To be true to myself and the reason for this blog site I should be honest with how I'm feeling, right? I mean, I did this whole blog thing to follow life through a deployment. I seem to have done alright with filling in the details of my kids and my husband. With him, some of it has been good while other times just writing it brings tears back to my eyes but I've done it. I'm sure it's some sort of therapy for me and offers you a little insight to what life is really like.
I think I purposely let myself fall off the radar here. I don't like to show any sign of weakness, for me (& only me, I know it's healthy for everyone else) being sad or having other negative emotions, that's weak. That's also me lying to myself in the most basic of ways.
Today sucks. There is no nice way to put it. I ran into Derrick's COs wife at the post office earlier, she asked how I was doing. I couldn't even stop to chat, I just mumbled that I was surviving. That's all I really feel like I'm doing today. Well that and putting on my 'everything is alright' face so I don't ruin my birthday for the boys.
Ya know, it's not even about today being my birthday, heck I've done those alone before. It's just this time and this war and it all just sucks. Derrick sent me beautiful flowers and a wonderful card, I was able to talk to almost all the important people in the States. (I have a few voice mails I still need to listen to/reply) and had a few minute conversation with Derrick too. Maybe that's what has me in a funk. It was definitely one of the more nerve rattling calls.
I don't know, it's just one of those days. I'll hear from Derrick in a day or so and hear some sugar coated reason for why our call was so abruptly ended, but I'll know he's fine. In my morbid mind, I know he's alright now. I haven't had CACO at my door to tell me otherwise.
I just need a good cry and a good nights sleep, tomorrow is a new day and I'll be alright. Just venting and being emotional now. I'm a trooper.
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