Just in case you missed it elsewhere, (Myspace, Facebook, email or phone) Derrick is HOME! Only 2 weeks, but I'll take anything they'll give us.
I'm posting this movie Derrick made here, again in case you didn't catch it elsewhere. Apparently during any downtime he's had he's been working on his movie editing skills. Something I had no clue he had an interest in. So this gift was a total surprise.
It's funny, he thanks us (& I understand why) but I feel that I'm the one who should be grateful. He's amazing.
(okay, we both should be. We're amazing together. :D )
In order to not have the music overlap, scroll down to my project playlist on the left and hit pause, then hit play on the movie.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Okay, the trek has begun
Well, really it began 5 or so days ago. With Derrick's R&R time fluctuating so many times over the past 4 months I didn't think it was ever going to happen, but this week the process leading up to it began. Wooohoo!
Last Sunday he called to tell me his Monday flight had been canceled but he knew of a flight he might be able to hop on Tuesday. This first hop would only get him out of his camp, but at this point, it's one step closer to home so I'm a-o-k with it.
After talking to him on Sunday I didn't hear from him again until Tuesday and only through a quick comment on Myspace. So not only did I know he managed to land a flight (on Monday after all) so did all of our friends who had access to my page/comments. He was manifested on a flight leaving for his next destination later that night but that flight was canceled. Go figure?
He made it out on Wednesday and he was able to get to a MWR room to chat with me via instant messenger, something we'd taken for granted during prior deployments. We were able to chat for about 15 minutes before he had to share the computer. It didn't matter, I was thrilled to get what I got. He sounded (or it read rather) like he was doing good. We wrapped up our conversation with him talking about wanting to find a shower then going to check his flight status.
When I didn't hear from him in over 24 hours I got a little excited, but a little nervous too. This weekend is going to be interesting at our house and him coming home tonight could potentially be a very bad thing emotionally, for at least one of us.
Fortunately he was able to call yesterday morning to let me know that his scheduled flight was postponed and he wouldn't be home tonight. Whew!
Crazy I say that, huh? When he told me he was delayed at least a day I told him it was a good thing and that I was okay with it. Now, so you all don't think I've completely lost my mind, tomorrow morning Brandon leaves for his 5 day island adventure trip, he actually has to be up at 0445 and we have to be out the door by 0515 so he can make it to the bus stop by 6. If Derrick were to come in tonight it would be the last flight of the night so we'd be at the airport until 10pm. Brandon would only get to see dad for about an hour before having to go to sleep. He'd wake up early and be off before he could spend any good quality time with his dad. I just really feel that would have messed with his heart and mind, only seeing dad for an hour or two then leaving knowing that he only has a few days at home with us. I know that would put a huge damper on his whole trip.
After his call I didn't know how long it would be before I heard from him again, luckily it was only a few hours. The boys and I ran some last minute errands and came home to him being on the computer. He was actually at a location where he could use his own laptop (a huge first!) and we were able to see how he's looking. (he looks amazing!) We chatted for about twenty minutes before he had to go start his walking trek to the other side of the base to see if he was going to be able to catch the next flight out that evening. At this point I don't know where he is, if he was able to get a seat on the flight or if he'll be stuck a little longer at this location. If he did manage the flight, we can expect him tomorrow night, if he didn't then we should see him sometime this weekend, hopefully but it could be as late as Monday or Tuesday. No matter when he gets home at this point I'm thrilled. I was able to breath a little easier, and sleep a little more soundly as soon as I knew he was away from his base camp.
I'll update more when I've got more to share
Last Sunday he called to tell me his Monday flight had been canceled but he knew of a flight he might be able to hop on Tuesday. This first hop would only get him out of his camp, but at this point, it's one step closer to home so I'm a-o-k with it.
After talking to him on Sunday I didn't hear from him again until Tuesday and only through a quick comment on Myspace. So not only did I know he managed to land a flight (on Monday after all) so did all of our friends who had access to my page/comments. He was manifested on a flight leaving for his next destination later that night but that flight was canceled. Go figure?
He made it out on Wednesday and he was able to get to a MWR room to chat with me via instant messenger, something we'd taken for granted during prior deployments. We were able to chat for about 15 minutes before he had to share the computer. It didn't matter, I was thrilled to get what I got. He sounded (or it read rather) like he was doing good. We wrapped up our conversation with him talking about wanting to find a shower then going to check his flight status.
When I didn't hear from him in over 24 hours I got a little excited, but a little nervous too. This weekend is going to be interesting at our house and him coming home tonight could potentially be a very bad thing emotionally, for at least one of us.
Fortunately he was able to call yesterday morning to let me know that his scheduled flight was postponed and he wouldn't be home tonight. Whew!
Crazy I say that, huh? When he told me he was delayed at least a day I told him it was a good thing and that I was okay with it. Now, so you all don't think I've completely lost my mind, tomorrow morning Brandon leaves for his 5 day island adventure trip, he actually has to be up at 0445 and we have to be out the door by 0515 so he can make it to the bus stop by 6. If Derrick were to come in tonight it would be the last flight of the night so we'd be at the airport until 10pm. Brandon would only get to see dad for about an hour before having to go to sleep. He'd wake up early and be off before he could spend any good quality time with his dad. I just really feel that would have messed with his heart and mind, only seeing dad for an hour or two then leaving knowing that he only has a few days at home with us. I know that would put a huge damper on his whole trip.
After his call I didn't know how long it would be before I heard from him again, luckily it was only a few hours. The boys and I ran some last minute errands and came home to him being on the computer. He was actually at a location where he could use his own laptop (a huge first!) and we were able to see how he's looking. (he looks amazing!) We chatted for about twenty minutes before he had to go start his walking trek to the other side of the base to see if he was going to be able to catch the next flight out that evening. At this point I don't know where he is, if he was able to get a seat on the flight or if he'll be stuck a little longer at this location. If he did manage the flight, we can expect him tomorrow night, if he didn't then we should see him sometime this weekend, hopefully but it could be as late as Monday or Tuesday. No matter when he gets home at this point I'm thrilled. I was able to breath a little easier, and sleep a little more soundly as soon as I knew he was away from his base camp.
I'll update more when I've got more to share
Monday, March 23, 2009
This is for you
Jennifer and Brooke, thank you for taking precious moments from your days to read my blogs, leave such awesome comments that either offer an ear and a shoulder, lift me up or put a smile on my face. You two (it must be an LDS thing) are always able to look beyond the madness that often fills your lives and find the words I need to hear.
Jennifer, you inspire me. I see where you've been, where your at, and the trails that you're going through and it amazes me. You are an awesome woman, wife and mother. Brooke, you are so young, yet wise beyond your years. Life hasn't always been easy for you and it could have been so easy for you to become another negative statistic, but you chose to be better than any situation could dictate. You cherish everything in life and share that amazing sentiment with everyone you meet, often not even through words. You're an awesome young woman who is beautiful beyond measure, and worthy of everything our Heavenly Father has for you.
Thank you both for the comments, phone calls and lifting me up when I was feeling down. Now, in my all too often silly cheesiness, as Josh Groban has said many a times,
you raise me up.
*key music here*
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
Okay so now that I'm not just singing the chorus in my head, but am looking at the lyrics I think maybe this is more of a God thing. ;) But you, you two, the chorus does apply. I thank you both.
Jennifer, you inspire me. I see where you've been, where your at, and the trails that you're going through and it amazes me. You are an awesome woman, wife and mother. Brooke, you are so young, yet wise beyond your years. Life hasn't always been easy for you and it could have been so easy for you to become another negative statistic, but you chose to be better than any situation could dictate. You cherish everything in life and share that amazing sentiment with everyone you meet, often not even through words. You're an awesome young woman who is beautiful beyond measure, and worthy of everything our Heavenly Father has for you.
Thank you both for the comments, phone calls and lifting me up when I was feeling down. Now, in my all too often silly cheesiness, as Josh Groban has said many a times,
you raise me up.
*key music here*
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
Okay so now that I'm not just singing the chorus in my head, but am looking at the lyrics I think maybe this is more of a God thing. ;) But you, you two, the chorus does apply. I thank you both.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Wow, what a week
This past week has been so full of ups and downs. I think I went through my deepest depression yet managed to pull myself out of my rut in a matter of days. There has definitely been plenty weighing on my mind. I'm not going to get into the negative though. :)
I managed to smile my way through my actual birthday in hopes that the boys didn't catch on to how I was really feeling. They had fun, and while I just wanted to keep my butt planted on the sofa I managed to smile genuine smiles a few times.
While the kids were at school I was talking to Melanie, she serenaded me with "Wind Beneath My Wings." I wish I could have recorded it. While we were on the phone the florist arrived with a beautiful bouquet and two teddy bears from Derrick.
When the boys got home from school they wanted to bake and decorate cakes for me, so we whipped up three 9 inch cakes and went crazy decorating. We had intended on having ice cream with the cakes but once they were decorated we decided that we were going to have plenty of sugar before the ice cream so we held off. Here are the kids cakes. Here is Luke's cake:
Here is Brandon's cake:
They were both great, and Brandon managed to leave enough room to put two candles on his cake. They sang Happy Birthday, I made my wish and blew out my candles.
Wednesday and Thursday seem kind of a blur looking back, but Friday was a big day. We were up early to get Brandon to school to prepare for his performance in his schools annual Ryukyu Festival (you can read more about it in my previous blog). Saturday morning we ran errands and did some things around the house before good friends of ours came by with dinner and a green velvet cake. I love when she bakes cakes!
We had a great evening, had fun with the boys being silly and found that my cats have a strange obsession with Brain. :) Before it got too late they were on their way home so we could get ready for another early morning.
We were up by 6 am on Sunday, Brandon asked "who does this?" It was for a good reason though. We were up, packed and on the road by 7 to head south to Camp Foster to catch our tour to go whale watching in the East China Sea. It took about 30 minutes to get to our first destination, we saw a few spouts of water as the whales surfaced for air, then they were off and the chase began. Our boat along with about 8 others were on the go following the water spouts. Before long we were watching the humpback whales surfacing and throwing their tails in the air before diving back down. Brandon and I each had a camera in hand but were so caught up in the action happening around us we were only able to catch a few snapshots of the whales. With or without the pictures we had an awesome time. I only wish we would have gone the previous years we were here.
Here's the ridge of a whales back before diving back under.
And to the left of the boats you can see a whales tail just above the water
And this last one, it's a little more difficult to see but just to the right and down some from the mirror you can see the spray from the whale's blowhole.
There was a hole lot of crazy emotions that filled this week, but so many great things happened as well. What a great way to wrap up my birthday week!
I managed to smile my way through my actual birthday in hopes that the boys didn't catch on to how I was really feeling. They had fun, and while I just wanted to keep my butt planted on the sofa I managed to smile genuine smiles a few times.
While the kids were at school I was talking to Melanie, she serenaded me with "Wind Beneath My Wings." I wish I could have recorded it. While we were on the phone the florist arrived with a beautiful bouquet and two teddy bears from Derrick.
When the boys got home from school they wanted to bake and decorate cakes for me, so we whipped up three 9 inch cakes and went crazy decorating. We had intended on having ice cream with the cakes but once they were decorated we decided that we were going to have plenty of sugar before the ice cream so we held off. Here are the kids cakes. Here is Luke's cake:
Here is Brandon's cake:
They were both great, and Brandon managed to leave enough room to put two candles on his cake. They sang Happy Birthday, I made my wish and blew out my candles.
Wednesday and Thursday seem kind of a blur looking back, but Friday was a big day. We were up early to get Brandon to school to prepare for his performance in his schools annual Ryukyu Festival (you can read more about it in my previous blog). Saturday morning we ran errands and did some things around the house before good friends of ours came by with dinner and a green velvet cake. I love when she bakes cakes!
We had a great evening, had fun with the boys being silly and found that my cats have a strange obsession with Brain. :) Before it got too late they were on their way home so we could get ready for another early morning.
We were up by 6 am on Sunday, Brandon asked "who does this?" It was for a good reason though. We were up, packed and on the road by 7 to head south to Camp Foster to catch our tour to go whale watching in the East China Sea. It took about 30 minutes to get to our first destination, we saw a few spouts of water as the whales surfaced for air, then they were off and the chase began. Our boat along with about 8 others were on the go following the water spouts. Before long we were watching the humpback whales surfacing and throwing their tails in the air before diving back down. Brandon and I each had a camera in hand but were so caught up in the action happening around us we were only able to catch a few snapshots of the whales. With or without the pictures we had an awesome time. I only wish we would have gone the previous years we were here.
Here's the ridge of a whales back before diving back under.
And to the left of the boats you can see a whales tail just above the water
And this last one, it's a little more difficult to see but just to the right and down some from the mirror you can see the spray from the whale's blowhole.
There was a hole lot of crazy emotions that filled this week, but so many great things happened as well. What a great way to wrap up my birthday week!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Ashibinaa take 3
Today was the third and final Ryukyu Festival that we'll be able to take part in. Brandon performed his last eisa performance, or so we though. This year a special opportunity has shown itself and the Bechtel Elem. Eisa Drummers were invited to perform at the Butler Officers Club later next month. I was hoping the timing would be a little different so Derrick would be able to at least see one of his performances. It seems each year he's been away and has had to rely on youtube to bring the performance to him. This year it's just going to have to wait until he's home.
It was bittersweet this morning. I was so excited to see him perform but was sad that this was it. We arrived at the school early this morning to get everyone into their uniforms, there were a few photo ops, then it was show time.
I know I've been weepy and overly emotional this week- it was obvious today- watching him perform my favorite song made my eyes well up with tears. It took so much to not just bawl. He is growing so fast and time is just slipping through my fingers. I don't want to miss any of these moments and it really hit me today that Derrick's missed so many. And even more sad was that Derrick was supposed to be home right now and was so eager to see him beat that drum. If things go as planned he'll be home soon but will be leaving to head back right before Brandon's next performance. Bum-mer! I know how this feels for me, I can't imagine what it does to Derrick.
Okay, so I don't want this blog to be completely depressing. Through his performance, once I got past my emotional issues I was able to laugh at his silliness. I don't know if it is routine or just something some of the kids were doing, or rather not, but a smile was impossible to catch. It wasn't just him, smiles were a rare find today. In any case, it was a great performance.
I'm so glad Brandon had this opportunity while here on Okinawa, if only Luke were old enough to participate too.
Thank you John Hampton for a great 3 years!
& of course, here's one of the two videos from today (the other, and videos from previous years can be viewed at youtube.com/denicordo) Just in case the costume hides who's who, Brandon is the drummer with the odaiko (the big drum) on the right.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy blah blah blah
To be true to myself and the reason for this blog site I should be honest with how I'm feeling, right? I mean, I did this whole blog thing to follow life through a deployment. I seem to have done alright with filling in the details of my kids and my husband. With him, some of it has been good while other times just writing it brings tears back to my eyes but I've done it. I'm sure it's some sort of therapy for me and offers you a little insight to what life is really like.
I think I purposely let myself fall off the radar here. I don't like to show any sign of weakness, for me (& only me, I know it's healthy for everyone else) being sad or having other negative emotions, that's weak. That's also me lying to myself in the most basic of ways.
Today sucks. There is no nice way to put it. I ran into Derrick's COs wife at the post office earlier, she asked how I was doing. I couldn't even stop to chat, I just mumbled that I was surviving. That's all I really feel like I'm doing today. Well that and putting on my 'everything is alright' face so I don't ruin my birthday for the boys.
Ya know, it's not even about today being my birthday, heck I've done those alone before. It's just this time and this war and it all just sucks. Derrick sent me beautiful flowers and a wonderful card, I was able to talk to almost all the important people in the States. (I have a few voice mails I still need to listen to/reply) and had a few minute conversation with Derrick too. Maybe that's what has me in a funk. It was definitely one of the more nerve rattling calls.
I don't know, it's just one of those days. I'll hear from Derrick in a day or so and hear some sugar coated reason for why our call was so abruptly ended, but I'll know he's fine. In my morbid mind, I know he's alright now. I haven't had CACO at my door to tell me otherwise.
I just need a good cry and a good nights sleep, tomorrow is a new day and I'll be alright. Just venting and being emotional now. I'm a trooper.
I think I purposely let myself fall off the radar here. I don't like to show any sign of weakness, for me (& only me, I know it's healthy for everyone else) being sad or having other negative emotions, that's weak. That's also me lying to myself in the most basic of ways.
Today sucks. There is no nice way to put it. I ran into Derrick's COs wife at the post office earlier, she asked how I was doing. I couldn't even stop to chat, I just mumbled that I was surviving. That's all I really feel like I'm doing today. Well that and putting on my 'everything is alright' face so I don't ruin my birthday for the boys.
Ya know, it's not even about today being my birthday, heck I've done those alone before. It's just this time and this war and it all just sucks. Derrick sent me beautiful flowers and a wonderful card, I was able to talk to almost all the important people in the States. (I have a few voice mails I still need to listen to/reply) and had a few minute conversation with Derrick too. Maybe that's what has me in a funk. It was definitely one of the more nerve rattling calls.
I don't know, it's just one of those days. I'll hear from Derrick in a day or so and hear some sugar coated reason for why our call was so abruptly ended, but I'll know he's fine. In my morbid mind, I know he's alright now. I haven't had CACO at my door to tell me otherwise.
I just need a good cry and a good nights sleep, tomorrow is a new day and I'll be alright. Just venting and being emotional now. I'm a trooper.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Ponds or Olay?
I posted this as a note on my facebook account but thought I should put something positive on my blogger, especially after the past few blogs and their less then positive nature. I've learned more with this deployment then any other that there are good days and there are definite bad. Yesterday was one of the more humorous ones.
I just had the best phone call with Derrick and so need to share. He was able to call at a time when the kids were awake so they even got to talk. YAY!! He sounds like he's doing much better then he has in recent weeks. A few of you know what's been going on, it seems like a weight was lifted when his Lt returned to camp, thank goodness.
We hardly even talked about the deployment itself, which is a huge plus, and were able to just chit chat and pal around like he was just up the street. This is one of the first conversations we've been able to have like this. There was no looming danger in the background or a rush to get back to the business of his day, it was just awesome, & funny.
I have to head to the PX tomorrow to pick something up for one of the ANA commanders. Derrick was trying to explain it to me but I wasn't understanding (because Derrick was making it harder then he needed to). He wanted something that a Canadian ETT had once got for him. Well, one of the spouses sent it out for him & he fell in love with this miracle cream. :) So the guy asked Derrick if his wife (me) could find some special cream to make the wrinkles around his eyes go away. I asked if there was a specific eye cream he wanted. Derrick got excited and told me that's exactly what it was, he didn't know it had a real name, or rather one so simple.
He finds it amusing for many reasons, but the biggest is that in a location as primitive as this (they cook over open flame) there are nationals who worry about bags and wrinkles around their eyes. I don't even think they market eye creams in Afghanistan. Kudos to the Western world for this influence, right?
For me, what is going to be the most amusing is Derrick having possession of said eye cream. If you know Derrick you can probably already hear him complaining about how gay this must look, and now he's going to supply "gayness" to another man. I could not hold back laughter then and even now I am still giggling.
The things we do for national security... :)
I just had the best phone call with Derrick and so need to share. He was able to call at a time when the kids were awake so they even got to talk. YAY!! He sounds like he's doing much better then he has in recent weeks. A few of you know what's been going on, it seems like a weight was lifted when his Lt returned to camp, thank goodness.
We hardly even talked about the deployment itself, which is a huge plus, and were able to just chit chat and pal around like he was just up the street. This is one of the first conversations we've been able to have like this. There was no looming danger in the background or a rush to get back to the business of his day, it was just awesome, & funny.
I have to head to the PX tomorrow to pick something up for one of the ANA commanders. Derrick was trying to explain it to me but I wasn't understanding (because Derrick was making it harder then he needed to). He wanted something that a Canadian ETT had once got for him. Well, one of the spouses sent it out for him & he fell in love with this miracle cream. :) So the guy asked Derrick if his wife (me) could find some special cream to make the wrinkles around his eyes go away. I asked if there was a specific eye cream he wanted. Derrick got excited and told me that's exactly what it was, he didn't know it had a real name, or rather one so simple.
He finds it amusing for many reasons, but the biggest is that in a location as primitive as this (they cook over open flame) there are nationals who worry about bags and wrinkles around their eyes. I don't even think they market eye creams in Afghanistan. Kudos to the Western world for this influence, right?
For me, what is going to be the most amusing is Derrick having possession of said eye cream. If you know Derrick you can probably already hear him complaining about how gay this must look, and now he's going to supply "gayness" to another man. I could not hold back laughter then and even now I am still giggling.
The things we do for national security... :)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Behind The Strenght
I've had many people tell me they don't know how I do it, hold up the fort so often when Derrick deploys. It's so easy for me to say before the deployment begins or in hindsight how "it just comes naturally" or "you do what you've gotta do." It's during the deployments when it's hard to choke out an easy answer and because of that I decided to blog through this deployment. I guess to show that it's not all rainbows and sunshine and even though I appear to be "strong" there are plenty of sad moments, heart ache and times of grief that come with the territory too.
This blog to follow my thoughts usually comes pretty easy, if you are on my Myspace friends list you know I blog often there also. (99% of those blogs are of a different nature) I've learned this past week that even I can get writers block, or maybe it's not that at all. Sometimes emotions can run a little too high, and life can become a little too scary and serious for the words to come out.
Last week was terrifying for me, it was nerve wracking for Derrick's mom and I can't even begin to put myself in Derrick's shoes.
Before this blog goes further, I want it said that Derrick is doing well. He wasn't hurt but has recently gone through some emotionally traumatic events. Being witness to only his anger and frustrations and not the moments, hours and days that followed those events is what made life so emotionally challenging for me. For the first time in the 17 years I've known him, and the 31 that his mom has, neither of us had ever heard him sound the way he did, we'd never heard him speak the way he did, it really shook us, and now he's in a place where we can't e mail, call or text to see that he's alright. Fortunately things seem to be going a little better for Derrick, and in turn for Denise (his mom) and I.
I am not one to typically ask for prayers, it's just not my character, but this past week I've heard things I'd never heard, I've felt things I thought I'd never feel, and I've worried about random people, Americans and Afghani's alike, more then I could have ever imagined. This conflict is taking a great toll on Derrick, greater I feel then any other location he's deployed to has. For that I'm asking for all the thoughts, love and prayers for him, so that he is able to remain strong in the face of barbarism, adversity and hostility; that he has a clear mind and level head through all obstacles he faces.
As out of character it is for me to ask for prayers for someone else, it's even more outlandish for me to ask for them for myself. In this case, I'm humbling myself, I know I have to. I know that I can't do this, not on my own.
I used to think that deployments got easier with numbers. Derrick's first one was tough, the second a little easier. By number three and four I had found my routine and things were smooth. Deployment number five took it's toll and my emotions were frazzled often and now that we're struggling through out sixth I don't know how I've survived this long.
I guess what doesn't kill you truly makes you grow stronger, right?
This blog to follow my thoughts usually comes pretty easy, if you are on my Myspace friends list you know I blog often there also. (99% of those blogs are of a different nature) I've learned this past week that even I can get writers block, or maybe it's not that at all. Sometimes emotions can run a little too high, and life can become a little too scary and serious for the words to come out.
Last week was terrifying for me, it was nerve wracking for Derrick's mom and I can't even begin to put myself in Derrick's shoes.
Before this blog goes further, I want it said that Derrick is doing well. He wasn't hurt but has recently gone through some emotionally traumatic events. Being witness to only his anger and frustrations and not the moments, hours and days that followed those events is what made life so emotionally challenging for me. For the first time in the 17 years I've known him, and the 31 that his mom has, neither of us had ever heard him sound the way he did, we'd never heard him speak the way he did, it really shook us, and now he's in a place where we can't e mail, call or text to see that he's alright. Fortunately things seem to be going a little better for Derrick, and in turn for Denise (his mom) and I.
I am not one to typically ask for prayers, it's just not my character, but this past week I've heard things I'd never heard, I've felt things I thought I'd never feel, and I've worried about random people, Americans and Afghani's alike, more then I could have ever imagined. This conflict is taking a great toll on Derrick, greater I feel then any other location he's deployed to has. For that I'm asking for all the thoughts, love and prayers for him, so that he is able to remain strong in the face of barbarism, adversity and hostility; that he has a clear mind and level head through all obstacles he faces.
As out of character it is for me to ask for prayers for someone else, it's even more outlandish for me to ask for them for myself. In this case, I'm humbling myself, I know I have to. I know that I can't do this, not on my own.
I used to think that deployments got easier with numbers. Derrick's first one was tough, the second a little easier. By number three and four I had found my routine and things were smooth. Deployment number five took it's toll and my emotions were frazzled often and now that we're struggling through out sixth I don't know how I've survived this long.
I guess what doesn't kill you truly makes you grow stronger, right?
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