perspective

I just got off the phone with Derrick. He was able to sleep in until 8 am this this morning and has had 3 consecutive nights with no incidents. He seemed really pleased with that, and I didn't want an explanation of what that really meant.

He said he's happy he's at the location he is, it allows him to do what he does best and he is never sitting idle. He finally received the Christmas tree I sent, a day late but it arrived. He's just going to leave it there for the team next year. He also got the shoes I sent for the kid that works with him. Not sure if they fit yet though. He's excited about having curry mix and canned chicken from home and he's sending their gopher to the local bazaar to pick up some nan so he can make a curry dinner for his team. It makes me smile to know how excited he is about cooking something he really likes.

He's become very accustomed to eating traditional Afghan meals, so last nights Christmas dinner should have been a treat. Some of it was, some of it wasn't. The Army brought up a traditional turkey and ham dinner with all the sides. He told me the turkey didn't smell or taste right. One bite and he was done. Everything else was good though. He told me that everyone who ate the turkey has been sick all day today. It stinks that a meal that should remind them of home makes them sick because it arrives and is served rotten.

He was talking with his lieutenant about Christmas. His Lt. missed (or maybe almost missed- I can't remember the exact time line) the birth of his first child while they were in CA training, was able to spend a few weeks with them before coming back to Okinawa and is now in Afghanistan missing his first Christmas. I'm sure this is harder for him then I could even imagine. Derrick mentioned different parts of their conversations. The most poignant was, "right now there are millions of Americans at home bitching because they didn't get what they wanted for Christmas, and here I am just happy to get a shower." He did get one & it was warm long enough that he even got to shave!

Hearing that, even where I'm at in this picture humbled me a bit. I'm fortunate beyond what I give myself and that statement put it all back into perspective.

He finally saw the all of the pictures I'd found online, he agreed that OPSEC was violated but not to be too concerned, they're really in a remote place. He also said, what I saw is what it is. Nothing has changed in the past 7-8 months; but what I see as a shithole in the middle of a mud puddle he says is not that bad and he's lived in worse. I guess it's good I didn't always have the internet at my fingertips and servive members leaking photos and information about random locations around the globe. Then I might have been more stressed during previous deployments.

We survived Christmas! I think some people saw the worst in me the days leading up to yesterday, but yesterday went well, we survived, had fun with friends and didn't let the fact that the family wasn't all together this year affect us too much. Today really feels like a new day and a weight on my shoulders and heart have been lifted. What a difference a day makes. One month down, eight to go and fingers crossed for a 2 week R&R some time in the spring.

Merry Christmas [a day late]

We survived this Christmas!
I knew we would, I just didn't know how well we'd manage and if Christmas Eve was an indicator, we were in for some trouble. I have definitely not been myself this year. I cut out all the extensive gift giving I've done in previous year, I knew I didn't have it in me. I also made Derrick help me with everything before he left. Shopping was hard enough with him, for me to have done it all with him gone- Christmas would not have been the same. It really took so much of me to keep it together for the boys. I couldn't let life's circumstances take away from the holidays. So I put on my face and jumped into Christmas.
Okay I lied, I did it more than I'd like to though. That was the case until Christmas Eve. Emotions got the best of me and I apologize to anyone I ran into while out and about. I know I was short with you, I know that I probably came across like a mad woman with a borderline Grinch attitude and at the time, I didn't care. Now, I apologize. The morning of Christmas eve I read the headlines, that's about all we can do here, and saw an article on Afghanistan. Why do I still read this stuff? Sure enough, we lost one. Nationality unconfirmed, but at this point, I don't care. NATO and.or US troops should be safe, they should be alive on Christmas eve and not getting killed by terrorist groups. Knowing that and the region Derrick is in, I was concerned. I knew, or assumed he was safe. Had anything happened to him, I would like to think I would have known before it made the world news circuit, but I was still concerned.
As the day continued and I never heard from him it really left me uneasy. I still managed to keep a little sane by baking up a storm. I mean seriously, for me and the boys I made 4 mini loaves of banana bread, 6 dozen chocolate chip cookies, 3 dozen choc oatmeal cookies and 4 dozen snickerdoodles. (anyone want some cookies?) After all the baking I threw together the most non traditional Christmas dinner, but hey, we didn't hit the drive through so I'm pretty proud. After our dinner of edamame (soy beans) and chicken cordon bleu we watched Christmas specials until we were able to track Santa. That got Luke excited and eager for bed. With some agressive persuasion he managed to get Brandon to go to bed too.
Once they were in bed, it got tough again, time to do Christmas alone. What normally takes 15 minutes took me nearly 2 hours. Eventually I fell asleep and woke even before the boys. How was I going to do on Christmas morning?
Surprisingly well. We were up and motivated early, go figure? The boys decided it was a year to break tradition. Presents then breakfast verses dad's idea of food before fun, even on Christmas. :) As we were opening presents my grandparents called. That took my mind off the missing people on our Christmas morning. Then as we wrapped up the unwrapping Derrick called! He was able to squeeze in a quick call before a day of giving classes and all the other things he must do. He didn't receive the Christmas tree in time, but he did recieve the gifts that the boys picked up. He even waited until Christmas morning to open them. He called just long enough to thank them and tell me a little about the possibility of hime being able to come home for R&R in a few months. That would be so wonderful, unfortunately, I still can't let myself believe that is going to happen. So much changes so quickly in the military that getting my hopes up now could pose a huge setback later. So I'll wait and see how this plays out. In any case hearing from him, even if for less than ten minutes, it was such a blessing and made the day so much better.
From there we grabbed a quick breakfast (at noon) then prepared for a day with friends down at the ice rink in Naha. With Andie (whose husband had to work) and Amanda and Phil (who just arrived on the 19th & are living out of suitcases in the hotel) in tow we were off for a day of fun. We seem to have made ice skating on Christmas a ritual here. The boys had a blast and are getting so much better at letting go of the wall for longer amounts of time. I managed to stay on my feet the whole time too. Added bonus!
After ice skating we went to a great little Japanese restaurant for another non-traditional dinner. The boys had pizza, fried cheese sticks, gyoza (pot stickers), fried rice and spring rolls and I had a little bit of that with sushi too! It was great & we had left overs to boot.
We made it back to the house and as I was getting a plate of cookies together for Andie to bring to her husband the phone rang. Derrick called AGAIN! Twice in one day- amazing. I'm lucky to get two calls a week and I got two in one day. Woohoo!! We were able to talk a little longer this time. He told me that the Army came up to bring them Christmas dinner. A break from the fend for yourself meals. (they don't typically get MREs & were taught how to slaughter goats before deploying, you can imagine their meals). Christmas dinner was a nice change, not as nice as some others had it. Another wife told me about her husband getting steak and shrimp cocktail. He said they brought up turkey and ham with all the fixins. The turkey was on the rotten side, he took one bite and spit it out, but the ham and everything else was good. He also told me he was hoping to take a "shower for Christmas". I had only recently learned that he is only able to take a shower every 3-4 days and they only have hot water intermittenly. They have no running water at his location and are dependant on the other military units for delivering water to them.
I like the idea I had in my head that he was at a small secure little base with all the ammenities everyone else had, that vision has slowly been erased from my mind as I learn more and more about how rugged and 'spartan' it really is. He keeps telling me that "I'm good" and not to worry about him. The best was yesterday when he told me, "I have not once felt that my life was in jeopardy." That should be reassuring to me, but if you know Derrick as well as I do, then you know about his larger than life complex. I think he honestly believes that he is ten feet tall and bulletproof. While others around him may feel threatened or on a higher level of alert he is well aware of the danger but just knows he's going to be alright. That arrogance has kept him coming back home so many times before, I hope that same ego keeps him safe this time around too. It better! ;)
Well, this has gone from a "we've survived Christmas" into something else all togehter. Bottom line is we're all doing well and we survived what we hope is our last Christmas apart. This will be the last one we spend overseas, so hopefully next year we'll be able to make plans with our extended family. I'll post another blog with some of the more memorable moments of this Christmas soon. I hope that you all are doing well and had a wonderful Christmas. Hugs & love from Okinawa!

Damn Myspace...

...has been causing me issues. I guess all this new profile 2.0 BS has slowed the postings for blogs. In any case, I think I like this idea more. Only people really interested in what I have to say will venture out past their myspace page to read my blogs. Right? I guess we shall see.

good, bad, happy & sad

Good- Mel loves her new school (or so she tells me). She's had tons of people, teachers included, ask if she speaks Chinese. Her History AP teacher (yes college level courses) is a little dry and carries a thick Texas accent. Something that she's not heard in too many years. She stopped a kid in the stairwell just to take a picture of his clothes. She said she asked him to stop, she snapped a pic and when he asked why, all she could say was, "Really?, I mean seriously??" Funny thing is, he probably looked like half the kids at her school. He was wearing Wranglers, cowboy boots, a button down collared shirt and the belt buckle.. Ahh, the belt buckle. I huge silver circle with a cows skull in gold, I later clarified that it was a longhorn. And the "horns stuck out from the circle!"
Aside from the cowboys, there are normal kids and there are even drugs there. Some kids asked her if she smoked, she just stared at him, he then clarified, do you smoke pot? She said in a horrible Japanese accent, "I don'ta speake Engrish." Apparently not many people thought she'd be able to. What a crazy adjustment for everyone. As much as things sound great for her, it was so hard to hear her talk about things going so well. That and her talking about people asking about why she was there. We miss her so much; it's just not the same here.
Good- (ish) Derrick reported back to work today, yes on Veterans Day. Nothing like making him come in on a day intended to celebrate- uhh HIM (and all other [war] veterans). He went in and was home early enough to join the boys and I for a late breakfast. We were able to hang out and just relax for awhile before things went from good to sad. We knew that over his predeployment leave that there was a chance his team would change. From what it seems, only his team remained the same. So that too is a good thing. These guys have been working together for the past few months and have formed a bond, separating them and placing them in a combat situation with people they don't know and haven't formed that trust with can be a deadly mistake. So while I'm really happy that Derrick's team has remained the same, I know too many others who have less than 2 weeks to come together and bond before they are completely dependent on each for the next 9 months.
Along with that disturbing news, Derrick gave me his leave window (the timeframe in which he will leave). :( After he did that, I had to call some friends and cancel our early Thanksgiving plans. I understand that things change and after so many deployments this should be easy. Operative word is should, because it surely isn't.
There is more- but with more come more emotion and the whole opsec issue. I worry, and for the first time in 12 years and 6 real world deployments I feel fear. What makes it scary as hell is it's a fear that shared.