a bunch of psychobabble

Before I get into this, 1) blogging is my therapy, you can disregard half of what I write, & 2) I'm really doing well. You're going to read this and think "she is full of crap" but honestly, today is a good day.

I have a weird way of coping I guess. I have so many things going on right now in my life. Tons of stuff that could keep me emotional for eternity so it seems. But the only way I seem to deal with it is through quietly reassuring people, dealing with things internally and consuming myself with other people's mental health/emotional concerns.

I know- trust me I know the errors of that. I'm currently taking a counseling class for Pete's sake. Every week I learn the definition of another defense mechanism I've become proficient at hiding behind.

I know that a good cry would do me tons of good right now but when I sit down and think about it, all the things going on, the tears just don't come. I can give you a hundred reasons why I don't (all logical in my head) but it's all psychobabble.

I do shed tears, but never for the fears that seem to consume my mind; rather over silly wedding videos, obvious movie endings, TV shows and songs, all of which seldom have an emotional undertone. There is a youtube video I've seen at least 4 times, "the best wedding entrance dance ever" done to a Chris Brown song. It's a funny video (and so is the divorce version) and I've never cried at a wedding before, but each time I see that video I'm in tears by songs end. I have become emotional at the most odd times. I suppose I'm projecting my repressed emotions onto random insignificant events and as I type I realize I'm doing it because for me breaking down is weakness. For me personally. It's completely acceptable, permissible and beneficial for others. (how double standard does this make me?)

This is enough of my rambling. I just thought it was kind of funny. It clicked tonight, what I was doing (after bawling over a TV show where a death row inmate took his life to avoid being put to death).
I'm officially a looney toon! ;)